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Phone trauma

I actually answered the phone today 'cause I thought it would be my dad telling me he was gonna be late since the trains were all delayed.

However, it was someone doing a survey about the NHS. I'm terrified on the phone but I'm fucking pissed with the way I've been treated so I decided to torment myself and go through it just to get my point across. I didn't really know a lot about anything he was saying, and I was so scared and nervous that I was shaking and almost crying and wasn't really listening to anything he said! I kept saying "Pardon? ;o;" ... bleh. Got eventually to GPs and I told him how totally crappy and rude and unhelpful mine was ... "your GP doesn't sound up to much!" I laughed a bit and said something about her being a nasty piece of work and when the end came around I was so relieved...

But then he asked if it was okay to keep my details, because they were going to have a discussion/meeting thing locally about the issues and maybe I'd like to go? Of course, being terrified of places I don't know, I wouldn't like to go but I said yes because I couldn't think of a different way to phrase "no"... for some reason, I can't refuse people on the phone :|

I told him my real name and he said "that's a very pretty name" ;o; asidhiasdh I wanted to DIE, I swear. I just said thank you with a retarded girlish giggle at the end ¬¬ He gave me his name (which I immediately forgot!) and asked if I wanted their phone number to get in touch and ask questions... I said no because I couldn't be dealing with saying "just let me get a pen and paper :DDD" ... not that I would have phoned back anyway, but still! Refusal is the lesser of the two evils when it comes to needing something to write with on the phone.

When I put the phone down I was shaking so hard I could hardly pick anything up and hold it.

I just... I'm so crap on the phone. I wish I could just be normal... like, I could just talk on the phone without crying and getting so scared. What are they gonna do? Jump through the phoneline and stab me? I can't understand why it's so hard... answering the phone is difficult but using it to call someone? Impossible.

Also, it frightens me that the only way I can overcome my anxiety is to become incredibly angry; the only reason I managed to get treatment for depression from my GP was because, after 3 visits, I finally became so enraged that I shouted her down, demanded a referral and glared at her until she agreed.

I hate the phone! ;o;!!!

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
cuppykate
Nov. 29th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
you're so incredibly brave!


I'm sorry it's so hard.
hppyflwr
Jan. 29th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
Just a suggestion
Have you try calling a good friend and tryin to talk to that friend about how are you feeling at that moment? Maybe if you do that and your friend tries to confort you then you'll start getting rid of that anxiety.

Maybe is worth the shot.

M yanxiety was with internet for some reason but slowly I have been getting rid of that anxiety.

hppyflwr
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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Panic & Anxiety Disorders - UK Edition

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